- Daily Dap
- Posts
- Don’t Forget Your Towel
Don’t Forget Your Towel
my father taught me 2nd/3rd order thinking before I even knew what it was
Anthony D'Apolito III
December 20, 2023
The Naked Truth
“Dadddd….. I forgot my towellllllll.”
This is the high-note I often yelled from the bathroom as a young boy. It felt like I was yelling into the abyss, where my echoes would bounce off the walls.
I had, once again, forgotten my towel.
Now, the reverberation of the echos went from the walls of the home into the walls of my brain.
The reality always settled in like feet in the depth of the sand. The thoughts of what I had done made themselves at home in my mind.
The most powerful thing my dad ever did for me in this moment, was nothing at all.
Silence.
Lessons are better learned when we are left in dealing with the ramifications of our actions.
So, as a young kid who forgot his towel, I was left astray in the desert of my own nakedness.
I would scope the hallway from left to right and gear up for my takeoff like an Olympic runner waiting for the gunshot to go off.
The timing had to be just right, so no one would see my bare, wet a*^.
Now that I reflect on this experience, I laugh, because the closet filled with towels (thanks mom) was a maximum of 2 steps from the bathroom. I didn’t really need to run.
Nonetheless, in that moment, no matter how fast I moved to the closet and back to the bathroom to get my towel, the real thing I was hiding from was my mistake.
It’s like I didn’t want anyone to see that I messed up.
The lesson of forgetting my towel will forever stay imprinted within my mind — as you can see that’s the case due to my writing an article about it two decades later.
Get in Order
As Shane Parrish writes in his Farnam Street article, Second Order Thinking, "Failing to consider second- and third-order consequences is the cause of a lot of painfully bad decisions, and it is especially deadly when the first inferior option confirms your own biases.” 1
"In his book, The Most Important Thing, Howard Marks explains the concept of second-order thinking, which he calls second-level thinking.
First-level thinking is simplistic and superficial, and just about everyone can do it (a bad sign for anything involving an attempt at superiority). All the first-level thinker needs is an opinion about the future, as in "The outlook for the company is favorable, meaning the stock will go up.”
Second-level thinking is deep, complex and convoluted." 2
Third-level thinking is even deeper and shows eventual outcomes. 3
Who wouldn’t want to garner the benefits of thinking ahead? Is it really worth the unneeded pain to not think ahead?
Question Yourself Like It’s a Court Case
It’s important to question yourself, and others, in order to get to the most nucleus point of a decision’s truth.
Imagine a jury is watching your every action. Ok. Not you being naked in the bathroom. But you understand what I’m saying.
How would you act if you knew others were questioning your actions? Would you think ahead? Would you think twice about what your next move is?
Elon Musk is able to work as though he already has an army of robots on his side because he thinks within the framework of physics.
"Just like Musk, some of the most brilliant minds of all-time — Aristotle, Thomas Edison, and Nikola Tesla — have used this framework for accelerated learning, solving difficult problems and creating great work in their lifetime.” 4
Let’s walk through 3 steps - used by the finest thinkers.
STEP 1: Identify and define your current assumptions –
I’m learning to always ask myself, “And then what?”
The Socratic method is a great framework to use. “It’s often described as the cornerstone for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) by asking a series of open-ended questions that encourage reflection.”
Questions for clarification: “Why do you say that?”
Questions that challenge assumptions: “How do we know this is true?”
Questions for evidence: “What would be a few examples?”
Questions for perspectives: “What is another way to look at this?”
Questions for consequences: “What are the consequences if we’re wrong?”
Questions about the question: “Why are we asking this question?”
“This process slows down the emotional responses and reveals underlying assumptions.” 5
Assumptions create blindspots. Blindspots are inroads to mistakes.
When I forgot my towel, it was because I assumed my mom would take care of it. She always, usually did. I’m thankful for that. I was a young kid having fun. But a boy becomes a man at some point and eventually needs to do things for himself.
STEP 2: Breakdown the problem into its fundamental principles –
Let’s keep with my example.
What is needed to shower?
Water. Towel. Soap. (beef tallow soap for me)
If I need to shower, the principle is true to say that I will get wet while showering. Thus, I’ll need a towel.
STEP 3: Create new solutions from scratch –
This is the fun part.
In order to solve problems, you need both (1) clear thinking and (2) the most creative, simple, best-designed solutions.
Creativity can blossom once you arrive at step 3.
Let me list solutions for this example of forgetting my towel - I used the Socratic Questioning Method for this too:
Have a spare stack of towels in the bathroom closet, instead of the hallway closet.
Hang up a sign in the bathroom that says “DON’T FORGET YOUR TOWEL”.
Buy and install a shower hook for the back door of the bathroom. Use it. Always.
Bring my change of clothes into the bathroom with me, so I can change in the bathroom after showering.
Build an outdoor shower hut with direct access to the sun, so I can air dry in an enclosed area upon finishing my shower.
As trivial as my example of forgetting my towel may be in the totality of life’s adventure, its lesson was enacted in a metaphorical sandbox of learning.
So, what a blessing to have learned this lesson within the boundaries of my home.
Also, what a blessing that my dad, more often than not, eventually did bring me my towel when I needed it — and when he did, he lovingly said each time, “don’t forget your towel”.
Go the Extra Extra Extra Mile
The best things in life have short-term pain, but long-term reward.
Cold showers are a great example.
They have an immediate discomfort. But the long-term consequences have a list as long as a family-of-five’s Costco receipt. Brown fat production. Fat loss. Improved breathing. Strengthened immune system. The list goes on.
“Second-order thinking takes a lot of work. It’s not easy to think in terms of systems, interactions, and time. However, doing so is a smart way to separate yourself from the masses." 6
And I would add to that - and to avoid unneeded mistakes.
Keep in Mind
Don’t mistake thinking ahead with overthinking.
They are totally different.
Thinking ahead is actionable planning. It’s being prepared. It’s your present self lending a hand to your future self.
Overthinking, on the other hand, is inaction. It’s stagnancy.
Why did all of our grandma’s emphasize to us, along with our cousins, to always have a rainy-day fund? Because grandma’s are the OG’s of second- and third-ordering thinking.
Listen to your grandma.
Think ahead.
Author’s Note: I wrote this essay two days after locking myself out of my car. I can confidently say I’m still learning by way of application. But, I will get there. I always do. We always do. I’m grateful to how patient my parents were with me as a child and how patient God is with me every single day.
I must also say that writing this essay has helped me tremendously. It was like unlocking a massive code to my life. The more research and writing that I did for this essay, the more I realized that my lack of thinking ahead comes from small decisions. When I make grandiose, important decisions, my mental models and decision making is sound. Yet, when it comes to ordinary, daily tasks, the monotony of them crowds out the importance of me being detail-oriented in certain moments.
For example:
{lack of 2nd/3rd order thinking} locked out of my car.
{lack of 2nd/3rd order thinking} simultaneously, getting robbed at gunpoint and my car stolen.
{lack of 2nd/3rd order thinking} forgetting my passport in my apartment when flying out of Mexico – only to realize I forget my passport when I got to the airport.
{proper 2nd/3rd order thinking} High School - attend a private high school, instead of the public school that all of my brother’s attended. As hard as the journey was, the payoff was beyond incredible.
{proper 2nd/3rd order thinking} Army ROTC Scholarship at University - removed myself due to lack of interest in ROTC and pursued entrepreneurship instead.
{proper 2nd/3rd order thinking} Austin, TX - discontinue my full-time business and go from being #1 in a company to #2/#3. The payoffs for this are continually compounding.
Huge shoutout to and . There help for this essay allowed me to get clear thinking on what I was writing about. I am grateful for all of their feedback and help in clarifying my points.
Follow Baxter and Harrison for great content.
Here is my website - you can find more stories, quotes, and deep dives here.
Each comment is helpful feedback for me to become a better writer and also connect with you more - let me know your thoughts on this piece
If you enjoyed - share with others ↓
Reply