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- The Best Thing For Yourself is Not Yourself
People do not care how much we know until they know how much we care.1
Love
My oldest brother, Justin, got married in Maryland this past June. I was given the opportunity to marry him and his future wife.
The venue was stellar.
Everyone was cleaned up and tidy.
Oh and the dancing…. I’ll say as the Italians say: “Fuhgeddaboudit” (meaning it was lots of fun).
It was a special occasion, for a special day. It was a celebration of love, filled with love, blessed by the love of God.
During the ceremony, I presented a Bible verse that perfectly encapsulates a specific type of love — agape love.
That Bible verse was 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
As it beautifully goes: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no account of wrongs. Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”2
It’s worth re-reading that verse. Its potency is as high as the heavens.
There's a multitude of different types of love:
As to not make this a Greek Word study as though we are in a university class, I only want to focus on two, which were not listed.
One is Agape. The other is Phileo.
Agape is used 115 times in the New Testament in the NASB (New American Standard Bible)….. The KJV (King James Version) translates it 27 times as “charity”.
That’s a WHOLE LOT of times.
“Agape is volitional.
Philoe is emotional.”8
Agape ascribes value to the thing that it is loving.
Phileo needs to take pleasure in the thing that it is loving.
Self
With that said, the best way to actionize agape love is to deny self.
It can be likened to doing something, even if it is not always driven by an emotional love for the action at hand. As my friend, K.C., always says, “It’s like helping a homeless man on the street that threw up on himself. You may not thoroughly enjoy every moment of it, but you help him clean himself and give him food, because you agape love him.”
Agape love isn’t always painful and obligatory though. You can still agape love and feel emotional love (phileo) in doing the action too. Just like helping grandma with a house chore, even if it takes an hour out of your day.
But why does the greatest form of love involve denying ourselves?
Because giving – even to the point of sacrifice – means not expecting anything in return. Thus, we remove ourselves from the equation.
As Jesus said in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lays down his life for his friends…”9
“We are to imitate God’s love in Christ. The love that gives, that counts no cost too great, and, in sacrificing itself for others, offers all to God, and does all for His sake.”10
As the adage goes: you can’t pour from an empty cup.
To apply it to loving others, how can you love others (pour out) if you don’t have the character to love others from (having an empty cup)?
“The quality of this love is determined by the character of the one who loves, and that of the object loved. Jesus’ love for a sinful and lost race springs from His heart in response to the high value He places upon each human soul.”
Giving
It's like parenting — one of the greatest earthly practices in agape love other than that of marriage.
When parenting, if a child does something incorrect, parents may have an initial frustration or irritation. Yet, they still spend time teaching, nurturing, disciplining, and giving to that child.
That’s because the great parents know the child and his/her true beauty. Just because the child made a mistake doesn’t mean they are to be totally dismissed forever. The great parents also benefit during this time because they grow in great patience and in great love.
It’s to be noted that agape love does not gloss over sin in the other person that is being loved, but actively, purposely seeks the welfare of that person.
Who would’ve thought that the best thing to do for yourself is to not focus on yourself at all?
Jesus did. Jesus knew.
Modern gurus would ridicule me for uttering such blasphemy and misguided advice.
The irony.
Thanks to Baxter Blackwood.
He helped me sculpt this piece with lots of love and care. His writing is also phenomenal, so be sure to check out his essays for thought-provoking, insightful ideas.
Here is my website — you can find more stories, quotes, and deep dives here.
Each comment is helpful feedback for me to become a better writer and also connect with you more - let me know your thoughts on this piece
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